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Life can be a Chaotic Mess

Updated: Apr 1

A beautiful house, a nice car or a better paying job may look nice and shiny on the outside, but does it really feel as nice on the inside as it looks on the outside? Isn’t the ability to see beyond the beautiful, shiny things what life is all about and listen inward to how we really feel? Chaos is a word that often describes a typical day in India. For me, the chaotic environment on the outside is synonymous with the turbulent feelings that I sometimes struggle with on the inside. I guess we all sometimes find ourselves hiding our true feelings and pretend to family and friends that we feel great. Instead of speaking the truth, we keep the ‘chaotic mess’ to ourselves. Two months in India was a deep inner journey for me. Everything I saw, felt, experienced was unlike anything I had ever seen, felt or experienced before. What I love most about India is the authenticity. It’s a place where you can grab life. People are direct and get straight to the point. Compared to what we know in the western world, there is no such structure in India. Life is an organized chaos from which there is no escaping. I compare it to the western world where the organized chaos is slightly hidden by the beauty of material things. Essentially, we all need to find a way to deal with our chaos, be it internal or external. On a typical day in India, everything seems chaotic and disorganized, until you observe closely. There’s always more than what meets the eye. Always. As soon as I walked out the door I found myself in the midst of the chaos, people approaching me out of curiosity or with an intention. There is traffic and noise everywhere, animals crossing the road, impulsive gestures and expressions, poverty, sickness, struggles, but also celebrations, faith, joy, hope, calm, devotion, kindness and love within. The more closely I observed people inwardly, the more I found the peace within myself.

The purpose of my trip was to deepen the knowledge of Ayurveda, but the overall experience in India was a lot more than that. It was an inner journey for me that made me look deeper into myself and taught me patience, softness, letting go of resistance, acceptance, surrender, not judging, asking for help and meeting people with an open heart – soul to soul. For me, the journey is the destination and the people who crossed my path were my teachers. The nurse with the most beautiful smile and her warm heart, the talented shoemaker, the helpful man next to me on the train, the funny Uber driver, the proud tuk-tuk driver who wanted to show me his country, the wonderful lady I met at the tea plantation, the caring mother with her daughter who I shared a laugh at breakfast gave me energy when I had one of my lowest moments on the trip, the hotel owner with a beautiful soul who supported me when I was ill, the caring and patient taxi driver who drove me to the hospital for 8 hours, the amazing doctors I got to meet, and there are many more moments with beautiful souls. The most beautiful things in life are not things. They're people and places, memories and pictures. They're feelings and moments and smiles and laughter. These are things I will always remember from my trip.

The core of all chaos, there is only you to decide what you make out of it. Have faith that you can find your purpose in the midst of confusion and chaos and live fully with an open heart. 🤍

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